So, it’s still early in the year, and of course, as covert believers in “new beginnings”, we’re all still looking to maintain our New Year resolutions. In fact, there’s a whole science behind new beginnings called “the fresh start effect”, and January has to be the granddaddy of new beginnings. It’s when we all quit smoking, start exercising, eat less, cut off unproductive ties, and, find love.  Whether you’re single and searching or in a relationship that needs rejuvenation, January is the month when we want to give it another go.

But just as your resolve may start to wane in the “Find Love” project, thankfully, February creeps up. The month of Valentine. The month of love, and lovers even.  But to do it properly this year, we’ll draw on 3 psychological insights to help find and nurture lasting connections.

1. Prioritize Emotional Vulnerability

One of the most significant barriers when trying to find love is the fear of being vulnerable. We guard our emotions all too carefully, fearing rejection or judgment. Yet, research after research shows that emotional vulnerability is the cornerstone of deep, meaningful connections. No one wants to connect with a stonewall. People are drawn to others who show their emotions, who have and show their feelings. And anyway, what’s the worst that can happen?

When you allow yourself to be open and authentic with your partner—or potential partner—you create space for trust and intimacy. Vulnerability means sharing your fears, dreams, and insecurities, even when it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability fosters empathy and understanding, which are essential for that strong emotional bond.

Action Step: Start small. Be prepared to share something personal with your partner or someone you’re dating, and observe how it deepens your connection. Remember, vulnerability is a two-way street—encourage your partner to open up as well. Having said that, gentlemen, and to some extent, women too, try not to show too much too early. You run the real risk of scaring your love interest away.

2. Focus on Shared Values, Not Just Chemistry

While physical attraction and chemistry are important, they are usually not enough to sustain long-term relationships. For that, you’ll need shared values, goals, and mutual respect. And no, opposites do not attract! Find someone who wants to go to church with you on a Tuesday evening to “dig deep”. Will he watch Korean soap opera on DSTV on Friday night, instead of heading out to the club from work? You get the drift.

Action Step: Reflect on your core values and discuss them openly with your partner. Ask questions like, “What does a fulfilling life look like to you?”” or “How do we handle conflicts in a way that strengthens our relationship?” “Can I keep my surname if we get married?” These conversations can help you determine if you’re truly compatible in the long run.

3. Invest in Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while empathizing with others. It’s a critical skill for building and maintaining healthy relationships.

High EQ also allows us to navigate conflicts constructively, communicate effectively, and respond to our partner’s needs with compassion. Just as importantly, high EQ also helps regulate our own emotions during stressful situations, preventing unnecessary arguments and fostering a sense of security in the relationship.

Action Step: Practice active listening and empathy in your interactions. When your partner shares their feelings, focus on understanding their perspective rather than immediately offering solutions. Don’t belittle their fears or worries. And don’t dismiss them either. Work on managing your own emotional reactions by pausing and reflecting before responding in critical moments.

Why These Strategies Work

These 3 strategies — embracing vulnerability, focusing on shared values, and developing emotional intelligence — are rooted in psychological research and real-world success stories. They address the common pitfalls that derail relationships, such as poor communication, lack of trust, and mismatched priorities.

Obviously, these things are far easier said than done. “Doing requires patience”. And maturity, sometimes, on a scale well beyond our capacity. Or at least, so it might seem. But thankfully, these 3 strategies are all learnable. So despair not.

Final Thoughts

Finding lasting love isn’t about waiting for the perfect person or relying on fate. It’s about taking intentional steps to build a relationship that thrives on authenticity, mutual respect, and emotional connection. This year, lets commit to practicing these strategies, whether starting a new relationship or strengthening an existing one.

There is one more thing though – laughter. This is the true tonic for the souls looking to find love. Moreso even than physical attraction, the ability to laugh together, endures. And does so for a lifetime together. So, seek that special person who makes you laugh. Don’t discount the other qualities, but don’t underestimate this simple yet powerful uniter either.