Emotional blindness is the lack of emotional intuition and emotional expression. It is in many ways, the absence of emotional intelligence.

All relationships thrive on emotional connection—those moments when you feel seen, heard, and understood by your partner. But what happens when your partner struggles to recognize or express their emotions? This is the reality for individuals who struggle with alexithymia, a neuropsychological phenomenon often referred to as emotional blindness. In many ways, emotional blindness is the opposite of emotional intelligence. At this point, maybe the question to ask is “Should you really be bothering with a person lacking in emotional intelligence?”

Two things – first, you are in the relationship, which means you saw the shortcomings and decided to continue into the relationship. Clearly, there’s enough attraction for this person to arrest your attention. Secondly, yes, you may have observed certain flaws, but probably couldn’t quite label them. The thing to do, therefore, is to learn to recognize the signs of emotional blindness. That way, it’s easier to manage the situation. And what are those signs? They are the very absence of the signs of emotional intelligence!

As can be imagined, emotional blindness can create unique challenges in relationships, and would require supreme effort and patience on the part of the significant other. Yet, it doesn’t have to be a roadblock to intimacy or fulfillment. If your partner has difficulty identifying, describing, or sourcing their emotions, here are 6 ways to foster understanding and strengthen your bond.

1. Educate Yourself About Alexithymia

The first step in managing a relationship with someone who has emotional blindness is understanding what it means. In all fairness, alexithymia is not about a lack of care or love—it’s a neurological condition that makes it hard for sufferers to process and articulate emotions. They’re not deliberately trying to give offense, or upset you. And so, by learning about it, you can approach the situation with empathy rather than frustration.

2. Practice Patience and Avoid Assumptions

It’s easy to misinterpret your partner’s emotional silence as indifference or detachment. And you may well be correct. However, their struggles to express feelings doesn’t mean they don’t feel deeply. Be patient with them,  and avoid jumping to conclusions. Try and create a safe space where they feel comfortable opening up at their own pace.

3. Focus on Nonverbal Cues

When words fail, pay attention to nonverbal signals. A person’s body language, actions, and habits can reveal what they might not be able to express verbally. For example, if they consistently show up for you or engage in acts of service, it’s likely their way of expressing love and care. We don’t all (have to) speak the same language. The thing to do is to take the time to learn the other’s love languages, while also ensuring that our love language is understood.

4. Proxies for Determining Emotional Blindness 

The type of character a person identifies with in a movie can reveal a lot about their own character traits. Explain your reasons for identifying with your own hero in a film and use this low-pressure approach to reveal insights about each other. A partner who constantly roots for the villain in every film might be trying to tell you something without knowing. Read the signs and do the needful.

5. Seek Professional Support

If alexithymia is negatively and significantly impacting your relationship, consider seeking help from a therapist. In many instances, positive change can be effected very very quickly by an informed 3rd party. It’s best to engage with a professional alone at first, just to understand your own misgivings, if any, and help lay the foundation for a positive intervention with your partner.

6. Celebrate Small Wins

Progress in emotional expression might be slow, but every step forward is worth celebrating. Whether your partner opens up about a small frustration or identifies a positive emotion, acknowledge their effort. This positive reinforcement can encourage further growth.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to stay. Relationships are not do or die affairs. It’s ok to throw in the towel. If a relationship is proving to be too much work, early on in the game, there is always the option to leave. And it’s best to exercise this option before investing too much in the relationship. People don’t change easily, we must all remember that. Unfortunately, it’s quite common for people to become resentful of your attempts at helping.