Cold hearted partner: I am a married woman and I have been married for 10 years now. My husband and I were very happy, and we are blessed with 2 beautiful boys who adore their dad. My husband is hardworking, attentive, and very focused on our dreams as a couple. His focus was probably my biggest attraction to him, and my reason for agreeing to be his wife. My one true concern about marriage was infidelity. 

Thankfully, my fears were quickly assuaged within weeks of meeting him. I realized how little he cared for any pursuit that didn’t add obvious value to his life. My husband’s attentiveness extended to my family, his inlaws. He is a dutiful son-in-law, calling and visiting regularly like clockwork. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better husband. At the time.

Fast-forward 8 years, and one of our shared goals finally came to fruition. We bought our own home on the island, and my husband immediately embarked on another project. Only this time, it was, if you like, off-plan. He was going to build a house for his mother. Clearly, a major undertaking, and one which we had never discussed. As could be expected, I questioned the wisdom behind this plan, especially with the children’s education fund still many zeroes short of target.

His business was finally thriving and would have benefitted from a re-injection of funds, especially after the huge outlay for our own house. Surprisingly, all of my entreaties fell on deaf ears. My otherwise patient and listening husband was now cold hearted and adamant. Suddenly, nothing mattered more than building this house in the village for his mother. 

And so, I declared that if this was what he considered the best course of action, I would like for us to build a house for my parents as well. His next words hurt like molten iron poured on bare skin – “If you have the money, you can build a house for your own mother, no problem”. For the first time in our marriage, my husband distinguished his resources from mine. I had sacrificed my postgraduate plans for my husband’s business.

I deliberately worked lesser jobs near our home to compensate for his long absences from the house, so at least one of us would be around for the children. All of that, and to have this thrown in my face in such a cold manner? I felt cheated. Lied to even. Yet, his disdainful response was really the worst part.

Unfortunately, this was just the beginning of a fast downward spiral.

My cold hearted husband

I’ve heard it said many times that money changes a man. Turns many of them cold hearted and arrogant. But I would never have thought it would happen to my husband. There are no signs of infidelity or even extravagant spending on clothes, cars, or jewelry. But the arrogance he is exhibiting all of a sudden seems many times worse. I would probably rather have him philandering and being his sweet caring self than this cold, no side-chick person he has become.

The last 2 years have been terrible. My husband is unfeeling. His obsession with making money has turned him into a virtual stranger, even to our kids. His need to provide is now all that drives him. Provide materially for me, for his kids, and of course for his mother.

I don’t know how much longer I can stand this. I’m a hugger. I’m tactile, with a strong need for physical connection. I clearly didn’t know this man at all. I have tried talking to him about it, but he cannot understand my “ungratefulness”. “After everything I’ve done for you?” he says.

So please, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just leave him, I’d be penniless. What do I do?!