A recent Forbes article – “4 Reasons Why Single Women Are the Happiest People on Earth” has sparked a flurry of online discussions. The very clever psychologist Dr. Travis Stork breaks down the research behind this claim, exploring the potential benefits and drawbacks of the single life for women. Interestingly, my systematic review on marriage and subjective well-being (SWB) in 2022 also suggested that unmarried women reported higher SWB levels than men, post-COVID. But why? Well, let’s focus on the article by Dr. Travis, and I’ll include some of my findings in the conclusion.
The Allure of Independence
Quoting the legendary Bill Withers “I can’t keep looking at loneliness and trying to call it freedom“, we see that there is typically a deep reflection on the contrasting feelings of loneliness and the desire for freedom. Yet, easily, the biggest cited advantage of being single is independence. Unmarried men and women often enjoy far greater independence and autonomy than their married counterparts. They have far more control over their time, finances, and lifestyle choices. And for many single women especially, this freedom can lead to a sense of empowerment and self-reliance. There’s a caveat though – the focus here is on single unmarried women without children. Add kids to the equation, and all hopes of a carefree life diminish very quickly.
Stronger Social Bonds
Life abhors vacuums, and thus, the study from the Forbes article suggests that single women tend to invest more heavily in friendships and social networks. These strong connections provide emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging, in lieu of a romantic relationship (with a man). From my findings, this focus on social connections contributes significantly to overall happiness.
Room for Personal Growth
Being single also offers valuable opportunities for personal growth for those so inclined. Single women may have more time and flexibility to pursue hobbies, travel, and career development. This period of exploration and self-discovery can by itself be a significant source of fulfillment. Such opportunities will invariably be more complicated to navigate if there’s a significant other in the picture.
But is it a Universal Truth?
Context. Is the Nigerian society as accommodating of women’s singledom as say the American society is? Is there still a stigma to being of age and yet unmarried in some parts of the world? Well, the short answer of course is yes. And the stigma is likely to be more evident in collectivist societies. Stigmas are generally not the best basis for happiness. So while the article presents some compelling arguments, it’s important to acknowledge that happiness in life is a complex and multifaceted experience. Loneliness, social pressure, and the desire for intimacy can be challenges for some.
Happiness is a Choice
Ultimately, happiness is not solely determined by relationship status. It’s a choice we make every day. And that choice to be happy or not is influenced by our thoughts, our actions, our external circumstances, and the quality of our relationships (romantic or otherwise). In choosing to be happy, you must find your happy place. It could be a person, a gym, a cat, or even specially dedicated me-time in front of the telly on a Saturday evening watching reruns of romantic movies like Pretty Woman. It could and in many cases, is religion. As Jung & Ellison (2021) reported, “relations with God can lend support for older adults who lack the benefits that often accrue from marriage”.
However…
It’s all very well touting the single life and singing “Independent Women” a la Destiny’s Child, or twerking carefree to “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé, but there is one major finding that gives cause for a little concern. From heart disease, to cancer, to kidney problems, different Health-Related Quality of Life (HRQoL) scales consistently show that married patients faired significantly better than singles. Married patients had better prognosis, and they recovered faster! In a study on patients with chronic kidney disease by Molsted et al. (2021), it was discovered that being married or having a long-term partner had significant and positive impacts on mental quality of life. In other words, if we control for extreme cases of toxicity in marriage, a shared life is healthier. It is better for a person’s overall wellbeing. And the science proves it.
But we must have one key takeaway from this brief analysis of ours. And it is this – Focus on cultivating a fulfilling life, building strong relationships, and pursuing personal growth, regardless of your marital status. You may not live quite as long as you could have if you were married, but at least you’ll live a fulfilled life. Choose your poison.
