The short answer of course is yes. Class and background do matter. A great deal in fact. Yet, it’s the biggest elephant in the room, when choosing a partner these days. In these parts, the women are looking at his bank balance, or at least the indicators of what it might look like, while the men are in desperate search of eye candy. Many moons ago, as soon as you turned up with a potential partner, the questions were asked – what does he do? Where is he from? And the all too common “who are his parents”? All of these questions drove at the same thing – what kind of man or woman are you bringing into the family? What class of person? Is there madness in their family? Ok, this last question has little to do with class, but it was asked anyway.

But what exactly makes up class? Well, there are several factors, all of which are interwoven, and therefore not quite so easy to distill. But we’ll try:

Economic Status:

Yes, to a point, the women are right in going after the coins. Income level, wealth, and financial stability play a significant role in determining a person’s class. Sadly, the pursuit of wealth in Nigeria has eroded all other factors of class, leaving us with a hoard of uneducated millionaires, making up the new middle and upper middle, er, class? And what are the effects on relationships? Dire. Class typically comes with values. Unfortunately, crass wealth does the exact opposite – it erodes values and morality, and manages to debase every institution in its wake. But let us proceed.

Education:

The level and quality of a person’s education can influence their opportunities and standing in society. Yet, a recent article in the Financial Times concluded that not even a PhD was enough to erase the effects of class. And we’ve all seen them – PhD holders looking and acting in the most uncouth manner. And they’re everywhere – in the universities, in ministries, in industry.

Occupation:

The packaging makes the difference. It’s really difficult to sell spare parts and be classy. It may sound disparaging, but the environment where these trades are carried out refutes any aspirations to class. But, what if you don’t sell the parts yourself? What if you had others do it for you? Maybe you managed the online portal, and held a few franchises from recognized foreign OEMs? Maybe you run a podcast on how to maintain cars? Suddenly, that’s class, not crass.

Social Connections:

How do you get into the right networks if you don’t have the right educational background, or didn’t grow up in a middle class family? It’s tough. It’s doable, but tough. It would take monumental efforts in self-development for one thing. But, many have done this successfully. At least on the face of it. The first step however, is to make money. A fair amount of it. it’s quite the leveler. Then you can hire etiquette coaches, take diction lessons, and of course, attend at least one 3-day course in Harvard.

Cultural Capital:

Does the fork go on the right side or the left side of the plate? Should your jacket be open when you stand up or when you sit down? In an S.P.A. of Socrates, and Plato, what does the A stand for? Who was the main character in Chinua Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart”? Yes, knowledge, skills, and cultural interests such as art, literature, and etiquette, contribute to class.

Lifestyle:

In most instances, people who overdo things, live over the top lifestyles, are usually compensating for a lack in their upbringing, or are battling low self esteem. They feel a strong need to show that “they have arrived”. Yet one sure way to show class is to be understated in spite of obvious wealth. Allow only a few things tell the world what you might be worth. Let your understatement make the statement.

Behavior and Attitude:

Manners. Etiquette. Nothing screams class like a person’s manners. Make no excuses for a lack of proper manners, either in a man or a woman. How a person interacts with others – superiors, juniors, old people, young people… manners tell the story. And while proper etiquette can be learned, teaching manners to an adult can be extremely difficult, as you will be pushing against long-term ingrained behavioral patterns, usually occasioned by a survival mindset. If unsure, just watch them eat.

Location, location, location:

This one is a bit tricky. There are classy people in suburbs like Egbeda. Not quite so many, but they do exist. And there are crass people in highbrow areas like Banana Island. In fact, wealthy crass people would typically make a bee-line for Banana Island, just to prove that they’ve arrived. And while it almost never works out for the pretender, it certainly works for their children. These kids may have the wrong values by virtue of wanabe parents, but they will usually grow up middle class, even if not particularly classy themselves.

So what is the point of this article? Men can marry beneath themselves. Women shouldn’t. You see, a man of higher social standing dating a lower class woman, follows the natural order more closely than otherwise. Marrying a lower class man is usually a life-long struggle of constant ego massages, walking on eggshells, trying not to offend his sensibilities. And then there’s his family to contend with.

It’s not your fault he attended the local state university in his town, even though he topped his class. You on the other hand, studied at the London School of Economics! Poor chap may never overcome the chip on his shoulder. He’ll work really hard to date or even marry you – you’re the catch, but, he may come to resent you.

Stick to your kind.