When she fell in love with a man 25 years older, she half hoped their relationship would not become a topic of debate or even gossip. So what if her new boyfriend was a year older than her mother? What seemingly began as a connection based on shared values and deep conversations quickly attracted criticism from friends, family, and even strangers. Her father was beside himself with grief, wondering where it had all gone wrong. But Daddy needs to look a little closer at the mirror if he truly wants answers. But more on that angle another time.
Is this love that I’m feeling?
It is unlikely anyone looking in from the outside would believe that such a relationship was based on love. Scratch that. It may well be based on love for money on one part and love for youth on the other. That would be the typical thought process of any observer. What on earth aside financial security would attract a young woman in her prime to a flabby greying man with a drooping pouch, regardless of how high he wears his belt? And from his perspective, how is he coping with the immaturity and carefree thinking of his “love” interest? Let’s not even venture near the likely mismatch in other areas of particular concern.
Well, herein lies the rubber. Significant parts of the answers are actually in the questions. An older man with means, craves the carefree life of his “youth”. She reminds him of a time gone by when life was without hassle. When the latest album of your favorite artist was the most anticipated event of the year. A time when he didn’t care about stock prices and financial reports. The word prostate didn’t even exist in his lexicon. And rather than praying for an erection, he prayed not to have one too soon and give the game away too early!
And for her, for the first time in her life, there’s a father figure she can tease and share all her silliness with; her fears and her plans, and expect not just positive feedback, but actual action plans to help fulfill her ambitions. This man would indulge her no end! Dating an older man – an older rich man, comes with several perks that guys her age simply cannot muster.
Symbiosis in action
In many ways, the older guy-younger woman dynamic is arguably the most symbiotic relationship possible. Dating an older man not only brings financial stability and emotional maturity, but also a wealth of useful experiences to the relationship. These qualities can be appealing to younger women who may prioritize security, mentorship, or a steady presence in a partner. For him, she offers boundless energy, optimism, and a fresh perspective that reinvigorates an old guy, helping him stay engaged with modern trends and new experiences.
The finer details
But what does she call him to his face? In these parts, with a 25 year gap, it’s difficult to address an accomplished old guy by his first name. Even when he insists, it can be a bit of a challenge for the younger woman dating an older man. And so she resorts to endless terms of endearment and all manner of nicknames. He on the other hand is perpetually worried about being seen with her in formal settings. What might be a trophy babe at the club quickly turns to the ultimate show of irresponsibility at a shareholders meeting.
Society is not nice to the old guy-young girl setup. Words like predator, and gold digger, are very often used to describe the persons involved. Inevitably, the age gap can create imbalances in power, financial standing, or life experience. What starts out as advice from “Zaddy” may soon become veritable levers of control. And while his less than stellar “performances” were once brushed aside with a smile and harmless retort, they soon crystalize into derision and ego bruisers. Suspicions grow quickly out of hand. If not addressed openly and properly, these differences can lead to conflict or feelings of inequity and insecurity.
What becomes of us?
Not very much usually. Such relationships are not meant to last. And when they do, they’re the exceptions, not the norm. It is unlikely that either party goes into these relationships “in love”. More “in dependence”. It’s best to enter these arrangements with a temporary mindset, because one party will grow bored of the other sooner than later. 25 years is a lot of years, and bridging the gap can be herculean.
So, if you find yourself in such a relationship, enjoy it for what it is. Respect each other, and for your sakes, and the rest of us, set your boundaries and avoid the backlash. When the curtains fall, you will look back with happiness at a relationship which fulfilled your needs at the time.
