“Girl, who am I to judge? I don’t really care about your body count“, according to American singer, producer, actor, all round star, Jason Derulo. Yet, in reality, when it comes to dating and relationships, the “body count” — the number of sexual partners a person has had — still sparks debate. While some people consider it a crucial factor in relationships, others argue it’s irrelevant. Ok, people – men and women with high body counts – argue it’s irrelevant. Afterall, most people go through what is known in street parlance as a “hoe phase”. Put simply, it’s a relatively short period, usually in early life, when you discover your sexuality and engage in sexual relations with a string of different people. Lets give a short answer – for most men, it counts. Counts biggily in fact, apologies to Mr. Donald Trump. Men want a partner with relatively low numbers under her belt. Or skirt even.

Historical and cultural perspectives

Historically, society has always placed a heavy emphasis on sexual purity, particularly for women. For centuries, a woman’s worth was often tied to her chastity, with multiple sexual partners potentially leading to social ostracism. And that’s putting it mildly. In many Eastern societies, an “impure” woman, usually discovered on her wedding day could lead to her death! And while modern times have seen significant shifts in sexual norms, the echoes of these traditional views still influence current perspectives on body count.

For men, the narrative has traditionally been somewhat different. A higher body count was often seen as a sign of virility and success. It’s the age-long player vs prostitute story. A high body count is a virtue for men, but a vice for women.

Why the body count matters to some

Certain cultures and religions place high importance on a person’s sexual history, linking it to morality and character. Again, the real focus here is on women. Most societies historically frown on the “loose woman” persona. It is she who cannot manage a home, or remain chaste in marriage. And if we go biblical, such a woman is condemned to death by stoning. Not sure what punishment awaits the philandering man though.

There are of course other concerns, chief among them being health. The more sexual partners a person has, the more likely they are to contract a venereal disease. And so for many people, a high body count might raise concerns about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and the overall sexual health of a partner.

Why it might not matter

Yet, the truth is, a person’s past does not necessarily reflect their current values or behavior. As mentioned earlier, many people, not all by any means, go through the so-called hoe phase. This is the period when young men sow proverbial wild oats, and women discover the (sexual) power they have over men, and learn how to use this power effectively. It’s a rite of passage almost. So should this interlude in a person’s life be used to judge them for all eternity? Maybe not. And this is probably why many believe that the quality of the current relationship should take precedence over past experiences.

It is also why more and more women are calling men out over the double standards. The emphasis on body count often perpetuates harmful double standards against women, suggesting their value is tied to their sexual history. But is it? Yes, depending to a large extent on the society involved. Some argue that what truly sustains a relationship is emotional compatibility, mutual respect, and shared values — not the number of past partners.

The psychological angle

But here’s another angle to the issue: concerns over body count may really stem from personal insecurities or fears of inadequacy. These feelings can create unnecessary strain in relationships if not quickly addressed openly and respectfully. In addition, people worry unduly about past relationships affecting their current one, leading to feelings of jealousy. Remember, men especially, are ego driven. A high body count increases the likelihood of your love interest having met at least one true performer in her past. An all out stud, capable of delivering mind blowing sexual satisfaction time and time again. The mere thought of such a person in your partner’s history fills you with dread. Hits hard on a man’s self esteem. Worse still, say your partner innocently makes a vague reference to it; even in the most roundabout manner, and its curtains. The relationship will take a nosedive from that moment, as the man’s ego turns flaccid alongside other parts of his anatomy.

So what really counts?

Ultimately, whether body count matters or not is a personal consideration. But, err on the side of caution. A woman’s body count, counts for one specific reason. And its the physiology of things. There are far fewer eggs than there are sperms produced in a woman and a man respectively. There is therefore a premium on a woman’s fertility, and all the bits and pieces around. So, scarcity. From basic economics we know that the more difficult it is to find a product, the higher the value placed on it. Keeping a relatively low body count, as a woman, increases your value and desirability for many men. In truth, keeping a low body count really has no downside.

It’s easy to say that at the end of the day, it’s the quality of the relationship that matters most, etc etc. Well, the quality of most relationships is premised on perception, and what is commonly considered “good” or valuable. Chastity has value, especially in a collectivist society such as ours.