Meeting a guy and finally falling for him can be the most exciting period in a girl’s life. The early times are like the best times – he’s calling several times a day, doesn’t want to cut your call, waiting on you hand and foot. This starry-eyed period can also be quite dangerous because this is when you might just miss the most obvious red flags. Sadly, like almost any and every honeymoon phase, this one doesn’t last forever either. As your relationship gets more serious, rose-colored glasses might slip off, and you finally start seeing those early warning signs in full HD. So let’s go through some glaringly obvious yet easy-to-miss red flags:
Let’s get physical
Romance and intimacy are all very well. In fact, for most people, this is what defines their new relationships. But when that seems to be all there is to you as a couple, you may want to pause a little. If you’re unable to hold a conversation for very long before or after sex, you might be living on borrowed time. But its a tricky one. Many relationships have survived troubled times simply because of the physical attraction and intimacy. Yet, if there isn’t very much else to your union, chances are much higher, the relationship won’t last.
Let’s not get physical
We’re flipping the script here – When a guy insists on waiting till you’re married before jumping your bones, be careful, there might be an issue. A guy who does not have the hots for you in the early stages of your relationship, will have much less interest in physical intimacy further down the line. You should be playfully fighting him off you regularly, trying to escape his clutches as he just cannot get enough of you. It mustn’t be the case that you’re constantly initiating intimacy, and even then, its barely a match stick, let alone fireworks. Chances are, he’s either batting for the other side, or, he’s just not that into you. And no, it will not get better. A man’s libido starts dropping from his early twenties, while yours is on the up and up till your mid 50s. Talk about bright red flags!
Show me your friends
Ever heard the saying, “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are”? If you can’t stand your partner’s friends, it might be because they reflect traits in your partner you haven’t yet acknowledged. Typically, disliking each other’s social circles can signal deeper incompatibilities. Your partner obviously had a past before he met you, and that past to a large extent defines who he is. It has in fact shaped him in many ways. So, no, you cannot ignore it. It is a vital clue to the man you’re with.
One-Sided Love Story
A lazy lover, in just about every sense of the expression is a doomed lover. If you find yourself always planning dates and initiating intimacy, then chances are pretty high, he’s really not that invested. And if he is but has gotten too comfortable too quickly, bring it up. Calmly. Sometimes women make men complacent. But once this issue is highlighted, a good man will address things quickly. If he doesn’t change however, then you may want to start looking elsewhere. He’s not going to change.
Who’s your daddy?
If your opinions are constantly overridden or decisions are made without your input, it’s a red flag. So this is at the very end of the spectrum from our lazy lover mentioned above. But one extreme is no better than the other. A control freak more often than not, suffers low self esteem, and needs to assert himself unduly just to mask his shortcomings. You must realize that a guy who constantly criticizes you under the guise of “helping you improve” is likely trying to mold you into someone else. Someone his low self image can manage. And while we should all grow to be better versions of ourselves in a relationship, you must first be appreciated for who and what you are. A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect, not one person calling all the shots.
Can’t I Just Be Me?
Ok, so no you cannot fart on the first date, or pick your teeth openly at dinner. First impressions matter, and yes by the hundredth date, you should be able to let your guard down, even if a little. But, if you still feel the need to always look your best, and turn up every time all decked out like a trophy wife, then maybe there’s a problem. Actually, it may well be that the problem is you! But let us focus on him. He that makes you walk on eggshells. It’s a red flag. Your inability to be totally free and authentic around him is a definite sign of trouble ahead. Remember, authenticity is key to a strong, lasting relationship.
Non-Stop Fighting
Occasional arguments are normal and can even be healthy as you learn more and more about each other. These fights help draw and maintain boundaries, as long as the fights are not to the death. Quarrels that are tacit jostles for dominance do not bode well for a relationship. Let your man be the man. But if he triggers and initiates the fights, its a huge red flag. Your success will threaten him in future, and his aggression may eventually turn violent. Where every conversation turns into a shouting match, it’s a sign of deep-rooted incompatibility.
Trust Issues
Do you trust him? Or rather, do you trust him enough? Do you trust him to protect you and provide for you in future? Note that trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you’re constantly suspicious of his other life, where possibly there’s another love interest, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship. HIs philandering won’t go away. At least, not until he’s maybe like 75, when the old pecker is finally in full retirement. But since its unlikely you’re willing to wait that long to have a healthy relationship with your man, best to cut ties early. If you’re constantly checking each other’s phones or feeling the need to spy, it’s a sign of a shaky foundation. Without trust, there’s no room for the relationship to grow.
Respect
So this one is usually reserved for the guys. “Oh, what a man wants more than the air he breathes is respect, bla bla bla”. Well, yes, its true. However, its a 2-way street. Women also need to feel respected and therefore special. How does he treat you in public? How does he talk to you even when you’re wrong? Is he condescending, even if not outrightly rude? Does he choose his words carefully when he addresses you, or does he shout and swear once provoked? It is true that as a guy matures, he learns to treat his partner better. But there must be a clear trajectory. In other words, his real character must be close to this already. In which case, losing his temper is the exception, and not the norm. Such a man will soften with age, as his testosterone level drops.
Last word
You must recognize these early signs, as they can save you a lot of heartache down the road. Remember, your time and emotional well-being are valuable. Don’t settle for less. Yes, your biological clock is ticking. But no matter. Just be sure to look out for these signs early, and commit to treating yourself with the respect and care you deserve.
