Imagine you’re at a party, standing around, and a new person joins your conversation circle. Within five minutes, everyone is laughing at their jokes, nodding along to their stories, and generally gravitating toward them. You think jealously to yourself, “How on earth is he so effortlessly likable?” Well, the truth is, being likable isn’t some DNA-encrypted ability you’ll never possess, and will therefore never be the life and soul of any party or gathering. Condemned to a life of misery, having to watch your mates win the looks and admiration of the ladies. Not to mention their phone numbers at the end of the night. And just before you go consoling yourself, it’s not because of his bank balance or fancy car either. Though admittedly, those 2 factors certainly make you funnier for sure. No, likability is a skill that can be learned! And when it comes to dating, being likable can make all the difference.
The power of “interest”
Use positive body language
It’s not just about what you say but how you say it. Positive body language—such as smiling, nodding in agreement, and maintaining an open posture—can make all the difference in how likable you come across. Keep it simple: smile when you meet someone new, stand up to greet them, or at least make like you’re trying to stand. And avoid crossing your arms.
Compliment sincerely
With women especially, you simply cannot lose if you compliment them often and properly. In other words, don’t overdo it. But do it more than you think is necessary. The key is sincerity. you don’t have to be sincere. But you do have to appear to be sincere. So when you’re getting to know someone (and well after you do know them), often look for something genuine that you appreciate about them—whether it’s their shirt, nails, new haircut, or simply how thoughtful they are during the conversation, and compliment it.
And instead of generic, poorly thought through compliments like “You look great,” dig a little deeper. Try something like, “You have a really infectious laugh,” or “I love how passionate you are about your hobbies.” These kinds of personalized compliments help you stand out and show that you’re paying attention to who they are, not just how they look.
Be present
Put the phone down! Your notifications will be right there waiting for you at the end of your date, or when she goes off to powder her nose. Focus on being fully present with your new love interest. Active participation in a conversation not only shows regard, it also makes you more likable.
Don’t talk too much about you!!
Yes it’s important to share who you are, and by all means do the whole “I can be open and vulnerable” thing, but there’s a fine line between being open and dominating the conversation. For the love of God, let her get a word in as well! Thankfully, there’s a great trick to apply. The 50:25:25 – half the time, let your date talk, 25%, share something about yourself. The last 25%, encourage her to talk about her own experience concerning your shared tidbit. In other words, if you can pull it off, talk only a quarter of the time!
FUnny & coCKy
Aim to please, put her at ease, and then you tease. Keep things light and playful—whether that’s through teasing, sharing a funny story, or even making a playful observation about your surroundings. A conspiratorial gossip about the blue-hair dye gen z that walked into the bar looking like she owns the place would work wonders for building rapport. Remember, dates are supposed to be fun! If you can make someone laugh, you’re already winning major likability points.
Final thoughts: The 3Rs of likeability
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Relate: Show genuine interest in her
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Respond: Engage actively in conversation, but let her do more of the talking
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Reveal: Share your own thoughts and experiences, share a joke or two while you’re at it