Drive with FORD
Let me ask you a question: Have you ever had a hard time coming up with things to talk about while on a date with a new person? Does your brain ever just freeze and you end up with a long awkward silence? Well, today, I’m going to share with you, four extremely powerful topics that you can help you talk to just about anyone.
Learning and using these four topics will allow you to build large amounts of rapport with literally anyone and will also help you to create long, meaningful connections. An easy way to remember these four topics is through an acronym called FORD.
So let’s jump right into it. F stands for Family
Studies have found time and time again that when people share family-related matters with strangers, they feel significantly closer to them afterward. Now the main problem with speaking about family is that it can sometimes come off too strong. Too inquisitive. So rather than ask someone about their family upfront, what you need to do instead is branch the conversation in a way that the topic of family, naturally pops up.
Here are two ways to go about doing this:
– The first is by talking about your own family. First, Let’s say, for example, you’re at a party and you’re talking with a girl and you notice, there’s a very loud excited guy on the dance floor. You could say something like “You see that guy over there? He really reminds me of my older brother who’s always energetic and not afraid to let loose. I feel like older siblings are always like that. Do you have any siblings ?” By saying something like this? You direct the conversation towards family, and you also take the initiative to open up first.
This allows her to talk about her siblings without having to have her guard up. If she doesn’t have any siblings, you could say something along the lines of “Oh, do you ever wish you had one ?” Again, the conversation is re-directed towards family and the transition seems smooth. Now the second way to get someone to talk about their family is by using what are called “non-sequiturs”. These are totally uninformed, oftentimes unrelated assumptions that you make about someone.
For example, let’s say you meet someone new at a bar, You can say something like “You know you look like you come from a big family…” Non-sequiturs like this accomplish two things – they create a sense of curiosity, leading to questions like “Uhm, why do you think I come from a big family”? They also sometimes cause the listener to correct your statement. Maybe they don’t come from a big family and they start talking about it. Maybe they do come from a big family and they go into details about it.
The second topic Occupation
We spend about 45 % of our lives on our occupation, whether it be at school or at work. Whatever the actual number is, it’s definitely a big part of our lives. Speaking about someone’s occupation is considered surface-level conversation. You’ve probably heard lines like “What are you into?” dozens of times before. The key to speaking about occupation is not to dwell on these surface-level questions and instead quickly jump into a deeper conversation. For example, let’s say you’re on a date and you ask her what she does for a living. She says “I’m a schoolteacher”.
A lot of people make the mistake of saying, Okay, what subject do you teach? Okay, what school do you teach at? Okay, how old are the kids you teach? When you ask question upon question: you enter the “interview mode” and it can be very uncomfortable for the listener. Not to mention boring!
What you want to do, instead, is to add a comment before asking another question: for example, she says “Oh I’m a teacher”. You could say something along the lines of “Wow, you know when I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. There’s something about inspiring others that is very fulfilling”. By saying something like this you’re adding a little bit about what YOU feel about her occupation before asking the next question. This leads to significantly deeper topics of conversation. When meeting a stranger, talking about occupation first is usually the best bet. In fact, of the four topics, occupation is talked about the most. People who are gainfully employed feel comfortable talking about what they do.
R stands for Recreation
Everyone has some sort of recreational activity. It could be an interest or a hobby. Sometimes it’s even something that they’re very passionate about.
Similar to talking about occupation, you want to ask surface-level questions while adding comments in between. An easy way to lead a conversation into recreation is by simply asking “What do you do when you’re not working”? Yes, I know it’s cliche, but it works really well. But note – recreation can sometimes be a little bit harder to talk about than occupation because you’re always likely to meet someone who likes to do something you know absolutely nothing about. But fret not. Because in these cases all you have to do is approach the conversation with a different mentality:
Why is this activity so exciting for him or her? Let’s say, for example, you meet someone who tells you they like rock climbing and you’ve never done it before. Well, you could say “Oh, that’s, cool. I’ve always thought rock climbing was an interesting sport. Why do you like it so much”? Questions like these really make the other person feel like they’re being listened to.
They also allow the other person to dive deep and explain to you why they enjoy their recreational activity as much as they do.
And finally, D stands for Dreams
Without a doubt, this is the most powerful topic you can talk to someone about. Everyone has a dream that they are pursuing or wish they could be pursuing. Unfortunately, most people are told by everyone around them, including their parents and friends to just get conventional jobs instead of pursuing their passions. So if you step in and show that you are supportive of their dreams, they begin to think very fondly of you.
Having said that, dreams are usually the hardest things to get people to open up about, and this is why it’s the last of the four topics you want to bring up with someone. You want to make sure you’ve built a sufficient amount of rapport before leading the conversation toward dreams to get truly meaningful responses. So, two tricks can be used to redirect the conversation towards dreams.
Number 1: Sometimes you’ll get an idea of what a person’s dream is by talking about their recreational activity. If they mention that they like to draw, their dream might be to become an artist one day. So the first trick is to use this information and make an educated guess. So for the person who likes to draw you might ask “Have you ever thought about becoming an artist for a living?” And, as you can see, this can easily lead to deeper conversations.
Now, the second way…, and my favorite way to get someone to open up about their dreams is to talk about the bigger picture. Imagine she’s a teller in a bank, currently taking evening classes to get a degree. You could call her “my MD”. Or your favorite banker. Because you can see where she’s headed. If you’re right, she’ll shed more light on her plans to become a banker. Or, she’ll steer you straight by talking about owning her own business after getting an MBA. Either way, it redirects the conversation to dreams.
And there you have it…
These are the four topics that you can talk to anyone about. It takes a little courage, and of course, a little practice as well. Ok, it takes quite a bit of practice to be honest. But rather like riding a bicycle, once you’ve got it, it never goes away. Quite the opposite in fact – you will only get better and better at carrying conversations with even the most tight-lipped conversationalists.