Once upon a time, not too long ago, young men and women understood what it took to woo and be wooed. They understood the importance of body language, and quickly learned how to read it, and where necessary, how to use it. And if the experts are to be believed, and there’s no reason not to, 90% of all communication is non-verbal. In other words, body language. Simple gestures like a broad smile, the easy laughter, the cocked eyebrow, dilated pupils, and fair skin permitting, the blush. The confident stance, hands akimbo, the hair flick – natural or Brazilian, back then, it didn’t matter. Actually, back then, it didn’t exist – there was no Brazilian or Peruvian hair to flick.

Sadly, most of the wonderful elements from the courtship ritual have been yielded to the insides of the mobile screens of our shy Gen Z.

Instead, it’s swipes, likes, and instant messaging; the traditional art of courtship is all but lost to obscurity. For the shy Gen Z, the youngest cohort in our society, dating now largely revolves around digital interactions. But all is not lost. Not quite yet.  We will revisit the timeless principles of pre-digital courtship, and draw lessons from that glorious era, to see how we can enhance modern relationships. First, however, a quick caveat – the idea here is to blend the old and the new – pre-digital and the digital ages. How do we use mobile phones to get the conversation started, and then move things offline as quickly as possible?

The Evolution of Courtship – Millenials to Gen Z

Courtship in the pre-digital era was a deliberate and meaningful process. It involved personal interactions, emotional investments, and a slower pace of developing relationships. The key elements in traditional courtship can still offer valuable insights to Gen Z, but, it would mean overcoming shyness and natural introverted behavior; yes, sadly, several reports strongly suggest that Gen Z are shy and introverted. They’re not as keen on the outdoors, and it is for this very reason therefore that we start our reform by discussing “face-to-face”.

Face-to-Face Communication

Before the advent of smartphones and social media, communication was predominantly face-to-face. Yes, we had the old rotary dial phones, but there is no comparison between those and the ubiquitous mobile phones of today. Rather, the direct interaction of the old days allowed for the development of deeper emotional connections and a better understanding of non-verbal cues.

We need to interact more in person. Texting and social media can be convenient. And in truth, they’re certainly an easier option for meeting people and kickstarting communication, especially for particularly shy Gen Z. But once the ice is broken, we must get out there to meet and greet. Count down to your 7 days talking stage, and make like Nike. Look to spend time together without distractions, such as phones or laptops. This will help build stronger, more authentic connections.

So, plan regular dates that involve activities you both enjoy, ensuring your undivided attention. Practice active listening, making an effort to understand your companion’s thoughts and feelings. In other words, use technology as a tool to facilitate in-person meetings rather than replacing them.

Admittedly, traditional courtship required patience. Relationships were nurtured over time, allowing individuals to truly get to know each other before making long-term commitments. In this era of 59-second attention spans, it may not be so easy. By avoiding the temptation of instant gratification, cultivating patience can significantly improve relationship quality. Understand that meaningful relationships take time to develop and that persistence can lead to deeper bonds. It is well worth the try. Spending quality time with a love interest as a young person is unmatched. Nothing comes close. Time simply melts away if you’re compatible.

Meaningful Gestures…, no, not emojis

Small, thoughtful gestures were a cornerstone of traditional courtship. NEVER SHOW UP EMPTY-HANDED AS A GUY. These acts of kindness and consideration helped convey affection and commitment. In today’s digital world, these gestures can make a significant impact. Personalized, meaningful actions often resonate more than grand displays or expensive gifts, well, unless you’re unfortunate enough to be chasing after a hustler. Try handwritten notes or letters. If nothing else, you’ll stand out from the crowd. You’ll be different and therefore impactful. And this gesture can become “your thing”. Surprise your intended with their favorite meal or a small gift that reflects their interests and preferences. Plan special activities that show you pay attention to their likes and dislikes. Just get out of the house and do stuff!

Community Involvement

In the old days, courtship often involved families and communities. Social gatherings and family events played a crucial role in relationship development, providing a supportive environment. It was also a good way to “sell yourself”. A nice family setup was (is) a big plus in the courtship game. It showcases where you come from, and hints at the sort of person you would likely become in the not-too-distant future.

While the dynamics of modern relationships may have shifted, involving close friends and family can provide valuable support and perspective.

Introducing your partner to your friends and family can help integrate them into your life and provide them with a certain confidence and if required, a support network. Attend social events together, whether it’s with friends, family, or community groups. But be sure to look out for the backbiters – not all friends and family are out for your happiness or success.

Adapting to Modern Times

While the principles of traditional courtship offer valuable lessons, it’s important to adapt these to the modern context. Let us now synthesize both ideologies and birth a new way forward for all intending Gen Z partners:

1. Balance Online and Offline Interactions: Use dating apps and social media to meet potential partners, but prioritize moving interactions offline as soon as possible. Real-life interactions provide a fuller picture of compatibility.
2. Manage Digital Boundaries: Establish boundaries around technology use. Designate tech-free times or areas to ensure quality time together.
3. Communicate Clearly: Be honest and open in your communication, both online and offline. Clear communication helps build trust and understanding.
4. Stay Authentic: Be true to yourself. Authenticity attracts genuine connections and fosters healthier relationships.
5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your own well-being. A healthy relationship starts with a healthy individual. Take time for self-reflection and personal growth.

A wrap

The art of courtship may have evolved, but the underlying principles of meaningful relationships remain timeless. And while Gen Z are predominantly shy and introverted, they can actually use their digital tools to cultivate deeper, more fulfilling connections. Meet online by all means. Get comfortable during the literal talking stage, but get out there as soon as possible. The most difficult part of pre-digital courtship was the first encounter—the initial meeting. You can skip all of that with an appropriate digital app.

So, get downloading, but prepare to get down and get stuck in soon after.