Is He Playing You? Red Flags to Watch Out For

IS HE PLAYING YOU? OR NOT.

Is He Playing You? Red Flags to Watch Out For

How can you tell if he’s serious or just out for a little fun and excitement? If you’re not terribly interested in a serious relationship yourself, then you’re in luck. You’ll both enjoy a fun non-committal relationship and when either or both of you are tired, you can move on. But what if YOU want a proper, committed relationship, regardless of how things started? How can you tell if he’s serious about you or likely to get serious in the near future? How do you protect yourself from a player? It’s hardly the end of the world if you’re young and slowly feeling your way through adulthood. Whatever the outcome, you can chalk it down to experience. But it’s not so easy if you’re in your late 20s, early 30s or even older. Then it becomes imperative that you properly answer the question “Is he playing you?”

1. Mixed Signals

If he’s consistently sending mixed signals – hot one day, cold the next – it may indicate a lack of genuine interest or a desire to keep you on standby. At the very least, he may be unsure of what he wants. Does he make promises he doesn’t keep or frequently cancels plans? This inconsistency can also be indicative of a lack of reliability and genuine interest. And when you ask about his intentions or feelings, does he sidestep or give vague answers? This might suggest he’s hiding something or not willing to commit. Sometimes, it’s not that he deliberately wants to send mixed signals, he’s just unable to put a firm foot forward. Either way, steer clear. You want a man who is sure of what he wants.

2. Only Reaches Out Sporadically

Does he only contact you occasionally, without making an effort to establish regular communication? This could be a sign he’s not prioritizing you. Nobody wants to be 2nd or even 3rd choice. Being number 1 on someone’s list is a major turn-on by itself. Seek it. Insist on it. Otherwise, no deal.

3. Only Wants Physical Intimacy

If his primary interest is physical, while showing little or faint interest in getting to know you on a deeper level, it may be a sign of ulterior motives. It may also be that he’s so infatuated with you, he can’t think of anything else. Well, that’s wishful thinking. He’d have to be a total sex maniac to be so unable to even want to engage with you beyond the romp. Not even during his er, downtime? Enjoy it for what it is, and then leave. If you get carried away with the physicality, you’ll fall with a loud resounding thump when he finally comes off his high.

4. Gaslighting and Manipulation

Does he make you question your own actions or feelings? Gaslighting is a red flag indicating emotional manipulation. And this is probably the worst of all red flags because he has set out to deliberately hurt and control you. He may disregard your emotional needs or dismiss your feelings as petulant or even childish. Don’t stand for this either. A caring partner prioritizes empathy and understanding. And if he doesn’t, then cut him off. It never pans out well in the future, letting someone diminish your feelings. 
Look for the signs and take immediate action. And by the way, If he disregards your boundaries or pressures you into uncomfortable situations, it’s a sure sign of disrespect and potentially exploitative behavior.

5. Lack of Effort

Some guys are lazy in love. So it’s not the he is playing you. Such guys get very quickly comfortable and cannot be bothered to even try. Yet, their feelings are strong and secure. He’ll only ever really give it a go if you insist. But, unfortunately, these same behavior patterns are identical to those of a guy who simply isn’t that into you. Because most women, and rightly  so, equate effort with feelings. If he consistently expects you to initiate plans or conversations, waits for you to call, then maybe you’re better off without him. Trying to change a person is hard work. Worth the effort sometimes, but know when to throw in the towel. 

6. Avoids Labels and Commitment

“So what exactly are we doing?” There can be only one reason for this question – one party is not fully in yet. They’re happy with things as they are. Happy to just “go along with it” and enjoy the ride, while holding on to the illusion that they still have their options open. If he’s evasive about labeling the relationship or committing to exclusivity, pull him up on it and give an ultimatum. Give him time to think about what he really wants, and stick to your cut-off date. Do not extend it.

Take Control

If you’re unfortunate to have fallen for someone exhibiting any of these red flags, then it will be that much more difficult letting go. It’s easy to say oh “cut him off”, but it’s never that easy when you’re truly invested, or hopeful. When the question arises, as it very often does – is he playing you – just remember:
  • You’re worthy of respect
  • You deserve clarity and honesty
  • Your emotional well-being matters

Don’t let anyone rob you of your happiness.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Download Kinnect App

"Kinnect" with your perfect match using our matchmaking app

*We will never share your information to any third party