You just know something is not right with your partner. Maybe it’s his body language. Maybe it’s the change in habits. Whatever it is, there’s just a nagging sense something is a little off with him. It’s like a gut feeling. And no, you’re not paranoid. Or at least, you don’t think you are. There are red flags, dripping with blood almost. That’s how red the flags are.

But then, what exactly are these red flags suddenly keeping you up at night, and turning you into a basket case? Lets be a little more specific and try to unravel some telltale signs that you may have a cheater on hand:

1.. The Disappearing Act

When your partner starts becoming increasingly unavailable, it’s a red flag. People don’t suddenly become too busy to respond overnight. And if they do, there’s usually a perfectly good reason why. It’s one thing to be busy, it’s another thing entirely to be consistently unreachable with no clear explanation. Trust your gut? Maybe. If something feels off, then, frankly, it probably is. But, it’s important to state at this point, that you shouldn’t take any rash decisions based on your gut feeling. Ask first. You owe him the respect. Because, as reliable as we think our intuitions are, those buggers can get it wrong sometimes.

2. The Third Wheel

A new person entering the fray usually spells bad news. And while it’s okay to have friends, a newfound bond with either an old or new friend usually means trouble. The trouble in this case is priorities. When friends or even relations suddenly start to take precedence over you, when there’s more time spent with a 3rd party than with you, it’s time to reassess. You see, these newfound friendships or bonds are usually used as decoy for other goings-on. If you feel uncomfortable or neglected, don’t ignore those feelings.

3. The Cold Shoulder

The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic. And men can be just as good as women in this game. When someone you care about withdraws emotionally, it’s a red flag. Actually, this one is a particularly strong sign the relationship may be heading the wrong way. So it’s not necessarily a sign that there’s someone else in the picture? But its a sign that things may be heading that way soon if the situation is not arrested. Put simply, healthy relationships involve open communication, and constructive attempts at correcting wrongs, real or perceived. Emotional withdrawal either says “I’m done or just about done”, or screams immaturity. Neither eventuality is particularly attractive.

4. Pants on fire

Lying, no matter how small, erodes trust. If you catch your man out and can prove he’s lying, then you may want to pay close attention. Not all lies constitute a serious breach of trust. Some lies are simply convenient, and others are told out of regard. Yes, strange as that sounds, people do lie because they’re scared to hurt you or to lose face. However, consistent deception is a clear indication of something bigger going on. Emphasis on the word consistent.

5. Loss of Interest

He’s suddenly not so into you anymore. Nothing excites him like before. Not your food, not your voice, not even the sight of you in a sheer negligee. There’s a sudden shift in his behavior. He appears bored almost. Seemingly going through the motions. With this particular red flag, ask. You must communicate your observations quickly. Everyone goes through ups and downs, but a consistent lack of effort or engagement is cause for concern. The poor fellow may just need a shoulder at that point. However, if after asking there’s neither an explanation nor a change in attitude, you may be in line for an unpleasant surprise.

Remember: Every relationship is different. And while the safe advise is to “trust your instincts”, you really want to seek answers before jumping to conclusions. As a wise man once said, “assumptions are the termites of relationships”. And the antedote? Ask the right questions. Open communication is key to resolving issues. But where your efforts are met with resistance or denial, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.

You deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect, love, and honesty. Don’t settle for less.