“In a massive study of 421 million potential romantic matches from an online dating site, the factor that best predicted favorability toward a partner was similarity. As the researchers stated, “For nearly all characteristics, the more similar the individuals were, the higher the likelihood was of them finding each other desirable and opting to meet in person.””
This was culled from the book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by psychologist, Robert Caldiani whose seminal work on persuasion has become the gold standard on the concept. Here, he speaks about the importance of similarity in selecting a partner. A far less accomplished personality refers to the notion of similarity as PLU – people like us. It is a fantastic insight which scientifically shows that people with similar backgrounds, similar interests and similar visions, tend to make the best partners, not just in real life, romantically, but also in online dating success.
Why similarity works in romance
The adage “opposites attract” has long been a romantic ideal. The idea of two people from vastly different backgrounds, interests, and worldviews coming together has been a favorite theme in literature and the big screen. Just think of any one of our all time favorites – Pretty Woman, Sound of Music, Cinderella, to name a few. But in reality, similarity is the much stronger force in bringing people together—and keeping them together.
When two people share common values, interests, or backgrounds, they are more likely to have rapport. Whether it’s their love for premiership football, a passion for dancing, or an appreciation of fine wine, having similar hobbies and pastimes creates endless engagement for them. It’s quality time, bonding.
Add core values such as views on family, religion, and political alignment, and we can see just how these bode well for long-term compatibility. Couples who share similar values are more likely to take on life’s challenges as a unit, laser focused on their life goals.
Similarity and online dating success
According to research, while standing out might get you attention, aligning on key traits could be what really keeps potential matches engaged. And this is why many dating platforms already use similarity as a core component of their matchmaking algorithms. By analyzing profiles based on shared interests, personality traits, and values, these algorithms try to pair individuals who are more likely to hit it off from the off. And the science backs this: studies show that users are more likely to favor and connect with people in whom they find some resemblance of themselves – “Really? I love watching reruns of Friends on weekends as well”.
For online dating platform users, research highlights the importance of identifying what truly matters in a partner. Instead of focusing solely on superficial traits like looks or physicality, users should prioritize commonalities. If travel is what you enjoy, look for someone who shares that passion. If family is your cornerstone, someone who values family bonds will be a better match. And if you’re an extroverted fashionista, for the love of God, leave the nerdy introvert alone to his gardening, no matter how much he makes you laugh. Else, there may be trouble ahead, regardless of the music and moonlight.
Similarity doesn’t mean boredom
No, it doesn’t. Quite the contrary actually. Have you ever seen 2 bookworms discussing their latest read? It’s only boring to those looking in from the outside. To the 2 avid readers, arguing back and forth, comparing notes about chapters and their individual perspectives is pure heaven. And this is the point: shared traits do not necessarily mean that both individuals are identical. In fact, it’s often their subtle differences that add excitement and dynamism to their relationship. What similarity does is create that solid foundation upon which a relationship can thrive.
People like us!
Far too often, people go into relationships thinking they can change the other person. You go in for the wrong reasons, then try to change what you don’t like. It never works. It usually in fact, breeds resentment. And while we must all strive for personal development, while also looking to help our partners develop, it is not your business going in to make wholesale changes to another person. Find your kind, and stop trying to play God!