Once upon a time, all you had to do was show up. It didn’t matter if you weren’t educated, rich, good-looking, or even remotely funny. As long as your parents weren’t weirdos, and there was no hint of psychosis in your family, you were good to go. Enter feminism and female empowerment, and suddenly guys have been caught with their collective pants down. Every adult male was pretty much guaranteed a reasonable life partner. A partner who came into the relationship expecting to suffer at the hands of a dominant male figure. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t really dominant at anything. Society simply made it so.
Now, outside of BDSM, dominance is all but dead. And so we will focus on a different term – submission. Of course, the new-age crowd isn’t terribly happy with this word either. But at least, it’ll pass. For now.
How for do?
Well, here’s the thing – there are maybe 3 things only, that would make a modern woman submit to a guy. Only 3 things, and that’s it. If you’ve read this far, you’re almost done. We can twist things in as many ways as we want, but more and more, there are now fewer women even bothering to look the way of most men these days. Gentlemen, money, EQ, and social status. All of these 3 things make up the alpha male. Ok, they also make up the high-value sigma as well. More on the sigmas another time. The signs have been there, disguised in all manner of songs since the 80s, but we weren’t paying attention. Remember “No romance without finance” by Gwen Guthrie? “Money” by Cardi B? There’s even a song called “Give women money”, by Joe Arrangement. Strange name, but you get the gist.
You are quite simply of no value, let alone low value, if you can’t afford the basics in life. And these basics are for a time only. There must be signs of you upping your game quickly, and moving towards the upper echelons where true alphas reside.
Settling for less
Sadly, nobody’s doing that anymore. Women typically expect the good life. And if their man can’t give them, then they’ll get it themselves. There’s no room for settlers. There are of course huge repercussions for this shifting mindset, but that is beside the point…, at this point. Instead, men have been forced to do more. Getting more does however breed resentment. Because, in truth, we all want to be valued for who we are, not quite so much for what we do or can do.
Shifting the Focus: From Needs to Shared Values
Back to the matter at hand – the idea that a woman submits out of necessity no longer holds true. Women are increasingly financially independent, and relationships thrive on shared values and mutual respect. This doesn’t diminish the importance of security, but it redefines it. Security now encompasses emotional stability, the ability to weather challenges together, and a sense of trust that allows both partners to be vulnerable and supported. But can a man who knows that he is there primarily because of his bank balance, truly trust a woman or feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with her? Probably not.
The Power of Competence: Confidence Beyond Strength
Competence, gentlemen. Defined as a man being “in control of his own life.” This translates to a broader concept of competence – the ability to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and resourcefulness. This competence encompasses the various aspects alluded to initially:
- Emotional intelligence (EQ): The ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and to empathize with your partner’s feelings. It also includes the ability to communicate effectively – speaking mindfully and listening actively as well.
- Goal setting and achievement (aka financial stability): Having a sense of purpose and direction in life, and the ability to set and achieve goals.
- Be an authority: It doesn’t matter what you do. You must be known for something. Strive to be a leading personality in your chosen field. Of course, it helps to actually choose a field first. There’s no point waffling around unsure what the next move is. This authority status lends itself well to a solid social status, to which a woman would naturally submit.
This type of competence fosters a sense of security and trust. It demonstrates a man’s ability to be a reliable partner, someone who can face life’s uncertainties with a level head and a supportive presence.
Strength Revisited: Not Just Physical
Physical strength may have been an asset at some point in our evolution. But unless you’re looking to work as a gym instructor, it’s hardly a measure of strength for dominance these days. In fact, the wimpy gym owner is more likely to get the girl before the gym instructor. Of course, what happens when the owner is away is another matter entirely. The jury is out on this one – for some women, physical prowess can, and for a long time as well, lead to submission. However, true strength lies in a combination of physical, emotional, and mental resilience. It’s about facing challenges head-on, overcoming obstacles, and picking yourself up when you fall.
This is the sort of strength that allows a man to be a source of support for his partner, a safe harbor during life’s storms. It fosters self-respect, which is an attractive quality in itself.
Leadership: Guiding, Not Controlling
And so here we are – seek submission as the man, not dominance. Look to guide, not to control. A healthy relationship isn’t about control. It’s about partnership and shared decision-making. A good partner guides, suggests and proposes solutions, but ultimately respects their partner’s autonomy and opinions. You can only guide IF you are worthy of the position. It is not a birthright. It is earned by your self-development as a man, which of course encompasses the attributes mentioned above.
Respect: A Two-Way Street
“Women, respect your husbands…”, the good book says. And yes, it is better she respects him, than loves him. Sounds a little insensitive, but this is reality. Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It involves valuing your partner’s opinions, needs, and desires. It’s about listening actively, offering support, and celebrating their successes.
This respect should be mutual. Both partners deserve to feel valued and appreciated. A man who respects his partner fosters a safe space for open communication and emotional intimacy. He also draws on the natural law of reciprocity, and himself gets the respect he desires.
Love and Support: More Than Just Protection
Where does all this leave love? It’s almost been relegated to the abyss it seems. If we once again turn to the hidden messages in modern music, it’s clear that love is quite simply not enough to support a relationship these days. Love is a secondary matter, which should be allowed to develop over time. After other rational factors like money, status, and EQ are in place. When mutual respect is evident in all your dealings with one another. Then yes, let love shine through. It’s almost like an indulgence you earn having done the right things first.
Building a Lasting Connection
Ultimately, a lasting connection isn’t built on outdated notions of dominance, but on a foundation of mutual respect, shared values, and a commitment to growth. It’s about finding a partner who inspires you to be a better version of yourself, and who you, in turn, want to support and encourage.
Let us therefore be guided as we look for meaningful connections. yes, it’s good to love, but do so with your eyes wide open.