If there’s anything a guy on the chase possibly hates more than outright rejection, it’s the dreaded “friend-zoning” by his romantic interest. At least with a jilt, you know where you stand…, or fall, depending on how hard hit you are with the “no-blow”. However, guys can also be guilty of friend-zoning women as well – talk about gender equality! For the uninformed, friend-zoning is a situation where one person develops strong feelings for another, but is relegated to the role of “just a friend”. So infuriating is this state of affairs, a little-known rapper called Biz Markie had a chart-topping single by the same title too many years ago. Sadly, not much was heard from him after this. But back to the matter at hand – the friend zone can be a frustrating and confusing experience, leaving the chaser wondering what went wrong and how to escape this platonic purgatory – apologies to the catholic brethren.
Today, therefore, we will delve into the causes of the friend zone, and more importantly, explore ways for breaking free and potentially dating the same person in the (near) future.
Causes of the Friend Zone
Before we dive or delve into escape strategies, it’s essential to understand why people end up in the friend zone in the first place. After all, it’s usually best to prevent the disease than try to cure it, no?
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Lack of clear communication: What do you want?! People are not mindreaders, so help everyone out by being a little more direct. Failing to express your true feelings or intentions can lead to misinterpretation and the dreaded platonic relationship.
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Different expectations: You may have started choosing the location for your wedding reception after the first meeting, while the other person may see the relationship as purely friendly. They’re thinking suya and a soft drink, as opposed to toasting with champagne after your first dance as a married couple. Read the mood carefully.
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Fear of rejection: Now here’s the biggie. This one has led many potential unions to the vast graveyard of unrequited love. Actually, it’s more unexplored love than unrequited. The unrequited people at least made the move and took the risk. Sadly, the fear of being rejected or hurting the other person’s feelings has prevented far too many people from expressing their true feelings.
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Comfort and familiarity: You didn’t come looking for a friend or confidant. You came looking for love. So why are you settling for second place? Why let your courtship go on for so long as to be conferred with the title “besto”? You’ve let the comfort and familiarity of the chase make it difficult to transition into a romantic relationship.
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Timing and circumstances: So you’re confident, focused, and purposeful. None of that hanging around hoping for the best. No, you’re taking the bull by the horns and you’re going for what you want. Excellent. However, your timing is completely off. You’re doing all the right things at the wrong time! Maybe she’s just come out of a difficult relationship. Maybe she’s never been in a relationship and needs to trust you more. Maybe he’s so suspicious of women, last thing he needs is to feel pressured. Timing can be key.
Breaking Free from the Friend Zone
You’ve probably skipped the preamble and come straight for the goods. No worries. There are several strategies to employ, but this 1st one is make or mar. It either works or signals the end, and you can get on with your life finally. For this reason, therefore, it is worth an entire post on its own. And that’s exactly what we’ll do. So let us “wet the ground” with some key strategies for getting out of the friend zone, and then we’ll circle back to address point 1 properly in the next post:
- The green-eyed monster, aka, jealousy
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Take a step back: Give yourself space and time to reflect on your feelings and the situation.
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Re-evaluate your approach: Assess your communication style and ensure you’re expressing your true feelings and intentions clearly.
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Respect boundaries: Understand that the other person may not feel the same way, and respect their boundaries if they don’t reciprocate your romantic interest.
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Focus on self-improvement: Use this time to work on personal growth, self-improvement, and building your confidence.
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Explore other connections: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – explore other relationships and connections that may be a better match for you.
- Shoot your shot: After all is said and done, after going through numbers 2 – 6, and thinking and overthinking the situation, just do it! Just come out and say exactly how you feel. You just never know. Your love interest may have been waiting forever to hear you utter those words. More importantly, you have nothing to lose. Nobody avoids a friend for being honest.
Winning them over
Let’s do a quick recap of the points made so far in this article. If you’re truly interested in getting out of the dreaded friend zone, this is how best to go about it ethically:
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Wait for the right moment: Timing is crucial. Wait until the other person is available and open to a romantic relationship.
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Communicate openly: Be honest and direct about your feelings and intentions. Avoid beating around the bush or assuming they’ll magically know how you feel.
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Respect their decision: If they decline or don’t reciprocate your feelings, respect their choice and maintain a healthy friendship (if possible).
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Be patient and persistent: It may take time for the other person to develop romantic feelings. Be patient, and if they show signs of interest, be prepared to pursue a relationship.
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Don’t assume it’s a lost cause: Just because someone didn’t reciprocate your feelings initially doesn’t mean they never will. People’s feelings and priorities can change over time.
The sum total: be confident. Confidence is a magic pill when it comes to courtship. Use it!
Conclusion
The friend zone is not necessarily a permanent sentence to the sidelines. By understanding the causes and taking steps to break free, you can potentially turn a platonic relationship into a romantic one. And in truth, the best surviving romantic relationships last because of the underlying friendship. So let’s not turn friendship or even friend zone into a bad term. It’s how you work it that matters.
