As a follow-up to the earlier friend zone post, we will now look closely at how best to get out of this much-hated space with a little dignity in place, one way or the other! Just to confirm, so you are stuck in the friend zone with someone who thinks you’re just a great buddy, but not quite boy/girlfriend material? You on the other hand can see your unborn children in their eyes…, sadly. And when you venture near this change of gear, you’re met with something like “Stop being silly, you know it can’t work between us”, or “I value our friendship too much to risk it”. There seems no way to escape the friend zone.
So now what? Well, you linger, hoping to gradually break down this person’s resistance with your persistent kindness and patience, even as they actively pursue their romantic interests and move forward with their dating lives. To make matters worse, you have to endure listening to the details – good and bad – of their love lives, and even offer advice in the process! It’s time to get your life back.
The power of jealousy:
Jealousy has gotten a bad rep over the years. Blamed for countless breakups around the world, this poor sentiment only wants to facilitate love. At least initially. It is a potent emotion that can make someone realize your worth, and finally see you for who you are. Or, well, make your life an absolute misery for turning them down. But let’s focus on the positives. And to do so, we are going to be a little technical, very briefly laying the groundwork for our take-your-life-back master strategy. Thankfully, psychology has enough tools and concepts to help:
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Signaling Theory: This is like wearing a large sign that says, “Hey, I’m desirable!” You’re signaling your value by showing the person who friend-zoned you that others find you attractive.
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Scarcity Principle: People tend to value things more when they don’t or can’t have easy access to them anymore. Being a little less available creates a sense of scarcity, which can increase your perceived value.
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Loss Aversion: This is like the ultimate fear of missing out (FOMO). The prospect of losing you to someone else can prompt the person to reconsider their feelings.
Practical steps to use jealousy effectively:
1. Show You’re Desirable
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Be outgoing: Expand your social circle and spend time with other friends and acquaintances, especially those of the opposite sex. Casually mention your outings with these other people to our target.
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Social proof: Post pictures and updates that highlight your social life. Share moments where you’re having fun and engaging with others. No, an all-boys or all-girls night out doesn’t count. These outings must include attractive others for this strategy to work.
2. Create scarcity
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Be less available: Gradually reduce the amount of time you spend with the person who friend-zoned you. This doesn’t mean ignoring them completely, but rather not always being at their beck and call. And once in a while, cancel dates or meet-ups with our friend-zoner because of a clashing appointment with someone else. When the person who friend-zoned you sees you being liked and valued by others, it can shift their perception of you.
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Engage in new activities: Pursue new hobbies and interests that don’t involve the person. This not only makes you more interesting but also signals that you have a fulfilling life outside of the friendship.
3. Highlight your best qualities
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Showcase your strengths: Let your positive attributes shine naturally in your interactions. Whether it’s through your talents, achievements, or personality traits, make sure they’re visible.
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Display confidence: Confidence is universally attractive. Actually, subtly step up from just being confident, to being a little cocky. But there must be some reason why. Otherwise, it’ll appear like you’re becoming resentful. So use an opportunity like a promotion, or even a recent birthday to effect this change. When you feel good about yourself, it’s easier for others to see you in a positive light.
4. Flip the script
Declare your intentions once and for all. In an emotion-laden approach worthy of a film role, state once and for all just how you feel, and how sitting jealously on the sidelines is killing you. You will not wait another day watching others be with the person you love. But this move is admittedly dicey. Don’t do it while your love interest is happy in a relationship. Wait till the cracks appear. And no one knows better than you, the listening ear. The bestie, the chief adviser. At this point, you just can’t bear to see them get hurt anymore. And so you declare your deep but hitherto hidden love, using all the personal details at your disposal to drive home your point. The best part about this move is closure – you either start a new romance or escape the friend zone, once and for all.
Endzone
Using jealousy to escape the friend zone involves a delicate balance of showcasing your value and respecting ethical boundaries. By being more social, creating a sense of scarcity, and highlighting your best qualities, you can shift the dynamics and make the other person see you in a new light.
Once you’ve established a seemingly new more attractive you, make your move. Play the jealous lover to perfection, but only when defenses on the other side are weak. The smart lion doesn’t chase after the strong gazelle.
Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!
